Thursday, May 31, 2012

Pressure

Out of all my pregnancies, I hesitate to say this one has (maybe) been the easiest on me.

Except for the whole sciatic nerve pain.

That's baaaaaaaad.

And the lack of sleep.

But I remember trying to sleep sitting up with the others, because if I slept lying down, I'd wake up choking on vomit. Which is really not a pleasant way to wake up. Three or four times a night.

It's only happened three or four times with this one... not in a night; at all.

It was the absolute worst with Cavan. I couldn't eat anything (and was only able to drink very small amounts of water) after about 3 pm, or it happened several times a night. With the others, it only happened if I ate something right before bed. I even moved into the living room, into a chair to sleep, with him. It was AWFUL. Probably because he was so. freaking. huge. I remember not being able to even roll over in bed.

Christian was a big baby, too, which is probably why I was in so much pain with her at the end. And just really, really ready for her to be born. I remember sitting in her nursery, rocking in the chair, just waiting for her, and wondering what she would look like.

This one is completely different.

At least I don't have to sleep sitting up.

We don't even have a crib set up yet, which is insane, considering I'm due in two weeks.

Her room is finally starting to take shape, though. I mean that literally. She finally has walls and a window.

So, you know, progress.

People keep asking me if I'm ready.

Really, the answer is no. I'm not.

Even though I'm miserable, and exhausted, and in pain, I'm not ready.

If she came today, we'd muddle through, but there are so many things I want to do and to happen before she arrives.

Choosing a name would also be nice.

Hubs says I'm nesting, and starting to walk funny, so he thinks it's going to be soon.

I won't say what I told him.

No uterus; no opinion.

But the other night I was in the bathtub just before bed, as usual, when I began to feel overwhelming pressure. Pressure so strong, I couldn't even concentrate on the book I was reading.

Right then, I felt tightening all around just under my belly, almost as if someone were cinching a belt. But it wasn't a normal contraction, in that only the lower half of my abdomen was tight, instead of all the way up.

The tightening came in went, but the pressure didn't. It was VERY intense.

I had a thought that if my water broke while I was in the bath, I probably wouldn't know it.

So I got out, and went to bed.

Where I lay awake for the next three hours, feeling that INTENSE pressure, and the strange tightening.

I was just waiting for my water to break.

I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up the next morning, the pressure was gone.

Weird.

It's happened since then, too.

For HOURS.

I think with this one, the nerve pain has been the worst. It will stop me in my tracks, or wake me out of a sound sleep. Or even just keep me awake at night.

Enough complaining.

For now.




Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Hormones, They Are A-Raging

I'm sitting here at the computer, while a sweet, chubby little boy is snuggled so close to me, I'm not sure where I end and he begins.

That's not entirely true.

I end at the giant belly.

His sweet little head, with hair that smells like Heaven, is nestled against my shoulder. My view is the softest little feetsies God ever created. I get to lean over and kiss him as much as I want, and he lets me every time. He snuggles in a little closer, if that's even possible.

I'm so blessed.

It's enough to bring on a flood of tears.

(But so is the "joke" that Hubs and my builder played on me: we're putting Formica in the kitchen. Um. NO. That builder. Funny guy. And VERY convincing.)

Couple days ago I tried to tell Christian how much I love her, and dissolved into tears. She just smiled her sweet little smile and said, "I know you love me, Mom!" What a girl I have.

Later that day, I had an army of "volunteers" scrubbing doors, baseboards and walls. I just couldn't stand it any more.

I *loathe* these hormones that seem to be running my life (and my moods) lately.

I also loathe sciatic nerve pain.

I'm almost 38 weeks, which means this pregnancy could be over any day now. And if the way my body has been acting lately is any indication, it will be.

And that makes me sad.

For the first time ever.

I'm not good at being pregnant. I've never enjoyed it, but I've tried with this one.

This last one.

Which is what makes me sad.

Don't get me wrong; I don't want more babies.

Most of the time.

But we're done.

DONE.

D. O. N. E.

It's just that it's the end of this phase of my life. In a few more weeks, I'll never again feel one of our babies moving around in my body. I'll never again have a giant belly (I HOPE!) that Hubs can't resist reaching out and touching as I go by. I'll never again see the radiant smile light up my kids' faces as they feel or see a much-anticipated sibling moving around in my belly.

And that hurts.

As much as I want this one to be the last, there's still a small part of me that will be so sad, knowing we'll never again look forward to bringing a newborn home from the hospital. Or be awakened in the middle of the night for diaper changes and feedings.

But I won't be sad to be rid of sciatic nerve pain.

So there's light, I guess.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Fishing With Bamaw and Papaw

Cavan got fishing gear for his birthday...


So the day after his birthday, we took the kids out to my in-laws' house to fish in their pond.


Christian immediately walked around to the other side to get away from her little brothers!


While Bamaw helped Cavvie bait his hook.


Hubs helped Cullen.


They caught one!


Cullen loved that little fish!




Bamaw and Cavvie stayed next to the worms... so they could keep reeling in the big ones.





Hubs caught a MONSTA! That's one for the record books.


Cav thought he was in charge of the worms, and pretty much controlled their distribution.




Papaw helped Christian get her line unstuck from a tree in the water.




Bamaw is a real fisherwoman! She out-fished everybody that day.



Cullen got a bucket, filled it with water, and kept Cavvie's little fish.


















Cullen's fishy didn't make it.



Christian got one, too!


One of Bamaw's record-breakers.





Hubs put the canoe in the water and paddled around for a bit.


I had my camera ready, waiting for a good "Hubs-in-the-water" shot.




I never got one.


He rowed to shore and picked up Cavvie for a quick little ride.


 Cav helped paddle.













It was a really peacful afternoon.