Monday, August 10, 2009

He's a Big, Big Boy

So we took Beefy in for his two month checkup a little late. A month late. I have two others. Sue me.

If it helps, his baby book is current. That says something, right?

Anyway, the nurse weighed (snort!) and measured him, then took us back to her office to put the numbers in the computer. She paused for a second, then grabbed the baby and said (with a little edge to her voice) she'd be right back.

Hubs and I just looked at each other. We had no idea what was wrong.


She came back in a minute or two later, and handed him back to me. Then she rubbed her back a little, but that's neither here nor there.

Apparently, she thought she'd made a mistake when she'd measured him.

Are you ready for this?

Gigantor has gained five pounds (he's now at fifteen) and grown FIVE INCHES in three months!


He's in the 90th percentile for length, and about 78th for weight.

Since he weighed TEN POUNDS at birth (no c-section ,thankyouverramuch), he should weigh 20 at six months. He's right on track.


Incidentally, I don't think Cullen weighed 20 pounds at a year.


[NOTE: I AM FAT. I CAN IN NO WAY BE MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT FAT. I AM USUALLY OKAY WITH ALL THE FAT, EXCEPT FOR WHEN I'M NOT. THEN I EAT A CARROT AND FEEL LIKE I'VE DONE MY BODY GOOD, AND GO BACK TO BEING OKAY WITH ALL THE FAT. I WOULD LIKE TO BLAME ALL THE FAT ON THE BABY, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT MY POST-PREGNANCY FAT FROM CHRISTIAN IS STILL RESIDING ON MY BODY. PLEASE TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN READING THE FOLLOWING.]

That night, we were watching the new Bachelor-esque show, "More to Love," which is just like the Bachelor, only for overweight people. The More to Love guy weighs over 300 pounds, and most of the women are over 200. Actually, I think the 200 pound girls were the skinny ones. One of the ladies was on the screen crying about how she was so happy to have finally found someone who didn't care about her weight.

Hubs looked over at me, and mockingly said, "I just don't know what to do! My future husband is only three months old!"


All I can think is: HELLO! GIGANTIC FAT WIFE SITTING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO YOU!


Clearly I am an enigma.


Or just fat.

2 comments:

Kyla said...

Silly woman. You are not fat. :-P

Mzzterry said...

fat IS where its AT!!! from what I have seen, you aren't fat.