Thursday, February 5, 2009

Yeah, He's Cute, but Dear Lord is He ANAL!!!

My mom and I were talking a little while ago, and I was telling her a few of Cullen's funny moments last night, when something struck her that I had noticed, but had not really labeled. Well. He sure has a label now.

Allow me to present to you,

"Proof that Cullen is the most anal-retentive baby on the planet ever."

1. He must eat a waffle for breakfast with a glass of milk. Every morning.

2. He must eat said waffle on the same spot on the couch. While watching Bob the Builder. Every morning. See where he's sitting in the picture below? That's his spot. If Christian happens to be sitting there, war will ensue, during which, "SCOOO OVER SISSY! SCOOO OVER!!!" is yelled multiple times.

3. When he watches tv in my bed, he must have this blue and white striped pillow, minus the pillowcase, stacked on top of one of my bed pillows.

4. When he watches tv in my bed, he must be laying on my side of the bed. Doesn't matter if I'm already there. War will ensue, during which "SCOOO OVER MOMMA! SCOOO OVER!!!" is yelled multiple times.

5. When he watches tv in my bed, he must be watching Caillou. Which I cannot stand. That kid annoys the crud out of me.

6. This blanket, a.k.a. "Ganket," must go everywhere he goes. Everywhere. If we don't remember to bring it with us, you can be sure that by the time we leave our neighborhood, war has ensued, during which "GANKET? GANKET?? GANKET???" is yelled mutilple times. The yelling gets more desperate with each refrain. We have found that no other blanket in the world has the qualities necessary to achieve ganket-dom. And trust me, we have tried. He looks at us like we're nuts, and repeats, "Ganket?"

7. This cowboy hat is the only hat that is allowed to touch his head. Ever. This cowboy hat cost $4.99 at Wal-Mart, and is little more than fake-velvet-flocked-plastic. We took him to Cavender's last night to buy a new straw cowboy hat, and he wouldn't have anything to do with it. Mind you, when we first bought this hat, he wouldn't have anything to do with it, either. Or his cowboy boots. Now, whenever I put his Weeboks on him, he says, "I LIKE BOOTS, MOMMA! I LIKE BOOTS!!!"

8. Socks must never be worn for more than .3 seconds past shoe removal. If we are lax in this rule, war will ensue, during which "Socks-socks? Socks-socks?" is yelled multiple times. "Socks-socks" is Cullen-speak for "GET THESE FREAKING SOCKS OFF MY FEET NOW!!!"
9. He has a monster truck that is his most beloved posession, next to ganket. See photo of pillow/ganket above. It is the first thing he asks for when he wakes up. And by God, it better be in his possession within 2.6 seconds, or someone will pay. No other truck will do. He recently substituted this truck for a '69 Hot Wheels mustang, but only because he lost the mustang. That was a peaceful few days. (As I shudder.) Thankfully, the monster truck is also a Hot Wheels, so it's not huge. The downside to this is that it may meet the mustang's fate. Whatever that was.

10. Cullen is a thumb-sucker. And I mean a thumb-sucker! He started just before he turned one, and has just really elevated it to an art.
This is how I found him the morning after I tried to put him to bed without letting him suck his thumb, by pulling his sleeve down over his hand. He just took his shirt off. He was just over a year old.

11. When we read him a book, he must sit in our lap. Not on the couch, not next to us on the floor, not next to us in the chair. ON OUR LAP. That's just how reading is done. Period.

12. As soon as he hears Hubs unlocking the front door, he runs to it, sees Hubs, and yells, "HOCK-OGGS! HOCK-OGGS!" Which is Cullen-speak for hot dogs. It happens every. single. time. Hubs. comes. home. I say it's because that's the only thing he ever feeds the kids when I'm out at a meal time. Hubs says there's no explanation for it, and has taken to telling Cullen to hush, because he's getting them in trouble. In trouble for what, hmmmmm?

I know there are many, many more, but they escape me at the moment. This picture's not proof of anything, except the fact that my kids are adorable, and he can be nice and share candy with his sister once every few months.

A few funny things Cullen said while we were out last night:

"Dannit!" over and over and over. Which means dammit. It's so very hard to look menacing and authoritarian when you're laughing, because the second you tell him not to say that, he laughs and yells it again. And again. And then when his daddy yells at him to not say that, he looks around innocently, like he's wondering who did something naughty. And then looks at me the second his daddy turns back around, and whispers it again. And again. And laughs maniacally.

"Aw, come on, LADY!!!" Not really sure who he was yelling this at, but I'm relatively certain his daddy needs to seriously tone down the road rage. There's absolutely no other explanation for it. None whatsoever.

And, lastly, the second we pull into our driveway, "Get out? HOLD ON!!!" In a loud, gutteral-sort-of-growl.

If nothing else, he keeps us laughing.


Anonymous said...

he is such a doll...i think you protest too much...wait till the next one has him as a role model... cullen only had christian..the first brat...she knows i say that..but denies everything because cullen gets on her very very last nerve......i love these kids and both of you...motherhood is is being a wife. my boy is innocent too.. cullen just watchs and remembers stuff from tv...yea thats right. i need to call gayna and see what she says about your childhood. maybe we would be enlightened too. but my boy probably takes the cake anyway..he was always stubborn and cute

Anonymous said...

I can tell you a thing or two..several things...A BOOK! about her childhood. I was there. I got in trouble because I didn't stop her from doing this...or I didn't help her with that...or I didn't keep her quiet on Saturday mornings while watching cartoons when mom & dad were sleeping in. I took the butt whuppin when SHE left the upright freezer door open in the garage (in July...south Texas) and EVERYTHING inside thawed out. She disappeared when Dad was throwing me around the house!! She didn't say a word!!!
Oh want the 411 on her childhood? Grandmo, I've always loved you, but the world needs to know that she's been inhabited by some sweet angel...the REAL Tracye has been abducted by aliens!!! I hate to ruin your relationship with her, but you have to think of your son first!! His well being must be priorty!!!! HE'S IN DANGER!!!!!!!!
I'm going to my room now...that's my "safe place" & dad always sent me there...because of HER!!!

Tracye said...

You need help.

Michelle said...

:) he sounds like alot of fun!! and I agree.. he's very cute.. very, very cute!! :)

Claire said...

Ooh. I think he is the 3rd cutest little boy out there ;-) HOW sweet!!! I love the blankie & cowboy part of the post!