I'll wait while you pick your jaw up off the floor.
K. So I had just finished feeding Cullen his lunch, and I noticed the house was warm. So, being the energy-conscious person I am (cough!), I turned on the ceiling fan. Only that did almost nothing.
So I laid Cullen down for his nap, turned on his ceiling fan, and bid him good night. Only he didn't want to be bid (-den?) good night. He immediately jumped up, lifted his arms to me (which gets me nearly every time!), and said, "Down?"
I patted his sweet little head, and left him in his crib to settle peacefully to sleep. (BIG COUGH!)
I then went to turn the air conditioner up (down? whatever. I wanted it colder.) and noticed the display read 80 degrees. In my house. Whereas I prefer it below 80 degrees. In my house.
So I checked to make sure it was on. It was. It was set at 78. So I set it at 76. And waited. Nada. I flicked the switch off, heard the thermostat click, then flicked it back on. Nothing. I turned the fan from auto to on. Zip.
I could literally feel the temperature rising degree by horrible degree, so I did what any independent, free-thinking woman would do. I called Hubs. But he was in some fancy-schmancy meeting and didn't have his phone on.
An hour later I was able to share the good news.
He called back almost immediately and said he and the A/C guy were on their way.
It is now almost 6:30 in the evening, and the A/C is still. not. fixed. Bless his heart, the guy has made two part runs already, and can't get the dadgum thing to work. Apparently it keeps blowing a transformer? I believe is what I was told. I really heard, "Wahn-wahn-waaaahn-a/c not working-waaahn-wahn-waaaahn-wahn. Wahn."
At noon, when all this started, it was 95, with a heat index of 100. I haven't been able to bring myself to look again until now. It's 94. Wow. That's almost arctic.
Anyway. My mil came and got the sweaty little kids and took them to her sub-zero home for the evening. Hubs borrowed a window unit from a friend. It is cooling our bathroom delightfully.
Why didn't he put it in our bedroom window, you ask? Why, that is a wonderful question! And I have a very technical answer. Brace yourselves.
I. HAVE. NO. FREAKING. IDEA. !!!
I just left my bathroom (which is where I will be sleeping tonight unless something changes. and by "something" I mean Hubs moves that unit to within five inches of my comatose body) for ice water. They have added some quite enchanting decor to my dining room. A wire running from the a/c, up and through the chandelier, then down the wall and out the french doors to the outside unit.
It is so refreshing to have not only a handyman in the home, but also an interior decorator.
I fear the heat is getting to me.
My sarcasm knows no bounds.