Monday, March 24, 2008

A sad day

Last Tuesday we found out we were expecting our third baby. My husband and daughter were so excited, but I wasn't sure I was ready. I kept thinking, "We need a bigger house." "Cullen's not out of diapers, yet." "I need more time." "I wanted to lose weight first."

Christian wanted to tell everyone, so we let her tell the family at her birthday party on Saturday.

After church yesterday, I began cramping and bleeding.

Today I went to the doctor for a blood test. They called a couple of hours ago to tell me what I already knew.

It's amazing how much it hurts to have something taken away, that you weren't sure you were ready for... and to realize how deeply you really wanted it.

This morning before school Christian told me the baby was her favorite birthday present. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

We took her to the movies for her birthday. When we got home, she remembered the baby, and got excited all over again. We just told her, with what I'm sure weren't the right words, that the baby's gone.

It's also amazing how much it hurts to have your child weep over a baby brother or sister that she'll never meet.

13 comments:

Southerner said...

So sorry to hear the news. I have a funny story- well I hope it is funny. One of my good friends was pregnant and found out that she had lost the baby. She was about 6 months along and very sad and fighting depression.They did not take the baby and were waiting for her body to naturally deliver the baby. I was at her house and we were sitting in the dining room which was on the other side of the wall in the foyer. There was a rather dingy woman that went to our church named Arlene. There was a knock on the door and it was Arlene. I could hear their conversation but they could not see me. Well, Arlene was at the store and was going to buy my friend chocolate as a sympathy gift for my friend but ran into someone that told her she thought my friend was on a diet. So, Arlene bought her prunes. I was listening to her explain that she bought her prunes and it tickled me. The more I tried to be quiet the more I was tickled so by the time Arlene left I was falling out of my chair laughing. I just could not wrap my brain around why you would buy anyone prunes even if they were on a diet. That is kind of like a gift of Milk of Magnesia. Anyway, it was so good for the laugh we had after Arlene left and it must have been God's provision for comedy and a release for my friend. I can't even imagine your sadness but really hope that you will find sweet comfort in the next days.

Tracye said...

Thank you. And thanks for the smile... sure do need them right now.

Lori - The Simple Life at Home said...

Big hugs to all of you. I'm sure it's more painful than I can imagine. It is funny, isn't it, how we don't know how much we want something until we lose it? I pray for healing for you and yours.

Jenn said...

{{{HUGS}}} to you all. I can't imagine the pain and the sorrow. I'll be thinking of you and your family in the coming days.

Melissa said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family!

kelsey said...

I am so sorry to hear the heartbreaking news. We will be praying hard for you all. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you or the kiddos. Love to you all...

Erin said...

so sorry to hear about ur loss. i too went thru that. it's awful. no words to describe that pain. u can only wonder why? my niece was 6 at the time, and she too has never forgotten. she was so heartbroken. even now, she always asks me about "the other baby".

3girlsmom said...

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 miscarriages and they are all hard. I had a dear friend tell me that when I get to heaven, I'll get to start raising those babies. Until then, they will be watched by the best Babysitter imaginable. Maybe that will bring you a little comfort during a grieving time.
Thanks for your response on my blog to my litle climber. Girl, I need some serious prayer where she is concerned. She tries every ounce of patience I have and then tries some more. Whew. Bedtime is a blessed time for me.
Be very thankful that your husband acknowledges your hard work. It's nice for them to get a little "taste" every now and then!
Great to "meet" you!
Robyn

Tracye said...

Thank you all for the encouraging words and prayers.

I really appreciate it.

jamie said...

I am so sorry...I just read a book called "River's Edge" by Terri Blackstock and one of the main characters went through the same thing. I'll be praying God keeps his arms wrapped around you! Curses to depression!!!

Shannon said...

Found you via Rocks in my Dryer and I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss.

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry said...

I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Melody said...

I'm so sorry that I didn't see this sooner. I've been exactly right there. I know exactly how it feels to lose a gift you weren't sure you were ready for....more than once.

There was not a single morning for an entire year that I didn't wake up missing that little baby. I'm praying for you, my friend.